I don’t have a lot of time to write these days. The last post took more than 2 months to finish. Still, I need some kind of outlet, so when a reader posted a comment about Moby Wraps and baby products in Brazil, I was inspired to post a few of the lessons I’ve learned over the last few months.
Lesson 1 About 85% of my identity is based on getting sufficient sleep. After several days of less than four hours of sleep (none of them consecutive) the talkative, thoughtful person who cracks jokes to deal with stress becomes a simmering pot of boiling rage which spills over at the slightest thing. A pacifier I cleaned minutes before pops out and falls straight to the floor and suddenly I am using every curse I know on gravity, Newton and any living relatives. Jekyll never made a potion. He just didn’t sleep for a few weeks.
Lesson 2 The Moby Wrap, a popular baby carrying device in the US, needs to come with a warning. Caution: Moby Wrap should only be used in air-conditioned environments in non-tropical countries. After 15 minutes with her in the wrap, I was on the verge of a heat stroke. I managed to sweat off a few pounds and successfully teach my daughter that blankets are torture devices.
Lesson 3 Like just about everything in Brazil, baby stuff is super expensive here. $50 is too much to spend on preemie clothes or any baby clothes. Call me cheap but I don’t want to spend more than $20 on an outfit she will either spit up on, poop on or outgrow after only three wearings.
Lesson 4 Every person who does not have a baby thinks every time a baby cries it’s due to hunger. And they will tell you this. “Your baby is hungry.” They will tell you this repeatedly for an hour and a half and when the baby is inevitably hungry again these people will say, “See. I knew she was hungry.”
Lesson 5 I don’t want big breasts. I used to think I wanted some slightly larger breasts to balance out my bottom half. Nope. Not anymore. I’m totally content with and miss my modest B cups. Hats off to you ladies who have the back muscles and patience to tolerate these weights hanging off your front and bouncing around as your work out, jog, take stairs, try to sleep, etc.
Lesson 6 The only practical outfit for a newborn is a onesie. Being told this and eventually learning this from experience will not stop you from continuing to buy super adorable dresses which make her closet look spectacular.
Lesson 7 I do not believe a baby should have it’s ears pierced, and I will not be piercing my baby’s ears. This means when dressed in any color other than pink, everyone in Brazil thinks she is a boy.
Lesson 8 Not all babies are born willing to sleep in a crib. Some are born with a mistrust and a dislike of cribs that is so strong merely standing close to a crib will be enough to penetrate the deepest sleep. They may also hate the swing, vibrating chair, stroller, car seat, and sleep in general.
Lesson 9 Nothing, absolutely nothing in the world, is as adorable as a new baby smiling. It’s what keeps you from dropping her in that ridiculously-expensive crib she hates and putting on some noise canceling headphones.
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