A typical winter's day in Brazil.

A typical winter’s day in Brazil.

My family went to the beach this past Saturday.  We packed a kite and a boogie board and stayed out through lunch. It was an absolutely perfect beach day, warm without being hot and breezy without being chilly.  The sky was a sheet of blue with a few fluffy clouds pulled decoratively across it.  But the best part was having the beach almost entirely to ourselves.  People in Vitoria just don’t go to the beach in winter.

Yes, it’s winter here in Vitoria, Brazil.  You can really feel it today.  It’s 68 degrees (20 C) outside and drizzly.  People are wearing their leather jackets over their shorts.  This will be one of the coldest days of the year here.  I’m sure it will be a front page article in tomorrow’s paper.  “Cold Front hits Vitoria. Drives Locals to Wearing Coats!”

In my opinion, the weather is one of the best things about Vitoria and Brazil in general.  I think it’s also why the government sucks.

I have a theory that the weather of a country can be tied directly to the quality of that country’s government.  The better the weather, the worse the public services.  The worse the weather, free university for everyone!

Let’s take Norway.  The Economist’s Quality of Life Index ranks Norway third in terms of quality of life and third in GDP per capita.  Norway is number one on the UNDP’s Human Development Index.  Norway’s government is the world champion of governing.  Year after year, they are crushing the competition. Why? Because without an awesome government, there would be absolutely no reason to live there.

This is a place where citizens go weeks without seeing the sun.  Every winter, there’s a period when the sun never makes it over the horizon.  This isn’t a freak phenomenon.  It’s a lifestyle.  How to avoid Winter SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) during the polar nights is a regular part of the school curriculum.  Why would anybody live in a place where winter is accompanied by its own psychological disorder causing sadness, a loss of self-esteem, and desire to avoid social and physical contact?  Why? Free universal healthcare coverage for all legal residents.  That’s why.

Not surprisingly, Norway’s tourism website doesn’t bring up those polar nights, but it does have a lot to say about its midnight sun.  You can take an ocean cruise at midnight or stroll through the park at 2am.  Come visit Norway in summer and have 24 hours of sunlight!  Honestly Norway, 24 hours of sunlight doesn’t sound like a good thing.  It’s slightly better than 24 hours of darkness, but I have no desire to live in a place with sunlight streaming through my window at 2 am.

Except that in Norway, universities are tuition free for all students, including international students.

On second thought, I could probably get used to wearing a sleep mask.

Norway’s tourism site also touts its mild winter temperatures.  The average January high for Oslo is 32 degrees (0 C). I suppose that’s mild compared to Siberia, but it’s still a place where getting locked out of your house in December is potentially life threatening.

Here in Vitoria, you can sleep on the sidewalk 365 days a year and feel, at worst, a little uncomfortable.  Good thing too, because there are quite a few people who do sleep on the sidewalk.  Does Norway even have homeless?  I don’t see how.  The winters would kill them off.

And this is the crux of my theory.  The environment in Norway is so inhospitable, the government has to help its people survive and then give them a reason to stay.

What does a person need to survive a winter day here in Vitoria? A sandwich and a tree.  Something to eat and shelter from the hot-even-in-winter sun or rain.  That’s it.

My theory holds true for other countries.  Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Canada, Australia (Why is Australia listed? It’s hot, in the middle of nowhere, and has all the world’s most poisonous things). These countries have awesome governments and crappy weather.  Venezuela, Fiji, Mexico, Maldives, Greece: crappy governments, 365 days of beach.

This past Saturday was a spectacular day.  Bright sun.  Soft sand.  It was the kind of day that warms you on the inside and puts hope back in your life.  Listening to the waves while getting drunk on sunshine and coconut water, a person won’t care about anything.  Not even that Brazil ranks 79 on the HDI or that dozens of top government officials have been indicted for stealing billions in taxpayers’ money or that the President’s approval rating is 9%.

Here schools are terrible.  Public healthcare is broken.  Inflation is increasing.  But the weather is fantastic, the beaches are free, and with 4,655 miles (7,491 km) of breathtaking coastline, there’s space on the sand for everybody.  What else do you really need?