The Miracle of Pregnancy?

The miracle of pregnancy is that any woman voluntarily goes through it more than once.

At 19 weeks into my own pregnancy, this is the conclusion I’ve come to.  Am I the only one that thinks a process which makes the act of consuming food torturous at exactly the same time your diet becomes more than ever before, is flawed?  Admittedly, eating has become less of a chore in the second trimester, but between constantly belching like a teenage boy chugging soda to an increasingly limited number of comfortable sleeping positions, I’m not sold on the experience.

I’ve been doing a lot of research.  I’m reading every thing from mommy bloggers debating epidurals to the Mayo Clinic’s week by week summary.  Pretty much everyone, doctors and bloggers alike, reference this “glow” pregnant women experience.  A warm, fuzzy feeling that radiates from toes to earlobes every time a woman looks at her belly.  Unless this glow refers to light reflecting off of my sweat, I don’t know what they’re all talking about.  I’m waiting for the fuzzy feeling.  Seriously, any time now.

Maybe my hormones are off.  Although, I’ve done so many blood and urine tests at this point, I’d think somebody would have noticed and told me if they were.

Do not misunderstand me.  I’m not upset about being pregnant.  I’m not regretting it.  Really, I’m a huge fan of family.  Go family!  “More family,” I say.  I can’t wait to go to school plays and put colorful, abstract renditions of the family pets on the refrigerator.  I’m just not a huge fan of the pregnancy part and based on the vast majority of what is online, this feeling (or lack of) puts me firmly in the minority of women.

Reading the material available for pregnant women and new mothers, it’s pretty clear there are millions of women who dream about being pregnant.  They yearn for it.  They wish, hope, pray and stare longingly through store windows at baby clothes.  I have never felt this.  I never dreamed about being pregnant and giving birth was never on my list of life goals.  In complete honesty, getting pregnant has yet to give me even half the personal satisfaction that finishing my master’s degree did.

When my husband came home from the doctor two years ago and said we might have trouble getting pregnant, I said “We can just adopt.  There are plenty of kids that need parents.”  I truly didn’t feel any sense of loss.  What I wanted down the line was a family and that, at least in my mind, never required my being pregnant.

I understand many women feel a need to be pregnant, but I can’t empathize.  I’m thrilled the baby is healthy and growing.  I’ve got a library’s worth of books coming that will tell everything from how her synapses are forming to all the colors her poop can be and what they mean.  Her nursery color scheme and theme are set five months before she’ll need it.  Yet even amidst the nesting, there is a feeling Audrey will be an only child.  At least, the only one I’m giving birth to.  I’ve told my husband we can totally have more kids but it’s his turn to gestate.  He assures me this won’t be possible.  I shrug my shoulders and say “Well, there are lots of kids who need good parents and a big sister.”


  1. skarrlette

    Hi I am pregnant and still in the US, I will be moving to Cascvael Brazil, and I had a couple of questions for you. Actually I feel the way you do, that maybe I don’t want to be pregnant because it holds you down (physically among other things). You can’t do much. I don’t like that.

    I have heard that they don’t use epdiduals in Brazil (hope that is false), and I have heard that some hospitals leave a lot to be desired as compared to US standards. That some hosptials are just not up to industrialized standards.

    So I am nervous about having a baby down in Brazil and conflicted about whether to just stay here or go.

    What are you feelings on the subject?

    • So, I know I’m a month late in replying to your comment and I’m hoping you found some other expat bloggers who are much more on the ball than I am. In case you are still in need of information, here’s my contribution to the information overload that is pregnancy.

      First, if you have the option to stay in the US to have your baby, I would stay in the US. Not because Brazilian hospitals are substandard. Brazil, like the US, has some amazing hospital and some not so great public hospitals. Neither is it because they don’t use epidurals here. They do, although not as frequently as in the US. C-sections are very common in private hospitals but you can easily find a doctor who will administer an epidural at your request. (You will have to ask for it. It is not automatically given like in the US.) No, the reason the I recommend staying in the US if you have the option is for language and cultural reasons. It is going to be difficult to find a doctor who speaks even moderate English and don’t hold out hope any of the hospital staff will speak English. With all the stress that accompanies having a baby doing it in a second language and in a foreign culture is something I personally would avoid if given the option.

      That’s my personal opinion for what’s it worth. I’m very happy with my doctor here and the facilities I’ve seen so far. If those are you two biggest concerns I would say don’t worry about having a baby in Brazil. Just be up to speed on birthing terms in Portuguese.

      • skarrlette

        Thank for comments, I am having it here (US) because its easier now since I am already pregnant, then I will be coming to Brazil when the baby is young like 2 mos.

        I like hearing your stories because your the only American I know right of right now who is pregnant and having a baby in Brazil. I am so nervous about so many things like a good education and toys and child gear etc, because its seems everything is to expensive and not enough of a selection although I am only going by online searches so far and their isn’t that much of it in Brazil. Its kind of scary for me to leave the US even though I want to and feel I can have a better life in Brazil. I wish there were more girls like you in Brazil to hang with. But I feel that won’t be the case. I hope I can talk to you in the future.

  2. Jennifer

    Your mom posted your blog on facebook, and I know her here in Snellville. No you are not alone! I was the most miserable pregnant person. And I didn’t even have bad morning sickness. I just hated it!
    I would go through labor (and drug free labor at that) three times over, rather than go through another pregnancy!
    The good side is that this will have no impace what so ever on your love for your child when she gets here!

  3. Kristina

    Brynn, that’s ’cause you haven’t yet had the satisfaction of hearing your baby’s sweet voice call you ‘mama”. That’s worth more than any master’s degree, I assure you. (PS for the record, I despised being pregnant)

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