Tag: weather

A Tropical Paradise is a Sweaty Paradise

Today was another sunny, blue-sky day here in Vitoria. A breeze blowing through my apartment forced me to stop the doors with various colored flipflops. By late afternoon, I’d been enjoying the weather so much, I was compelled to look up the temperature. What numeric value can I assign to this lovely afternoon.

84℉ (28.9℃) And feels like 91℉ (32.8℃)

Oh, yes. So much nicer. I knew it had to be cooler today because the sweat was only beading and not trickling down my back.

It’s hot this year. So hot. We’re almost a month into fall, and I’m still leaving thigh-shaped pools of sweat on every chair I sit in. I haven’t had to pee since January. All liquid just gushes out my pores. Within a half an hour of waking up and leaving the air-conditioned bedroom for the naturally breeze-cooled den, I have sweat stains along my breast bone, and the only exertion I’ve had is lifting a piece of peanut butter toast.

Of course I married a man who doesn’t have pores and could wear the same shirt to the gym everyday for a week without any lingering odor. He doesn’t. But he could. Meanwhile, I look like I jumped in a pool. Whenever I complain, my husband shakes his head and insists “Your body is more efficient at cooling itself than mine.” (Life Lesson: If you find a man who can turn being a sweaty mess into a compliment, marry him.) I reapply deodorant two time a day minimum, and I can still smell myself at the end of the day.

But seriously without any hyperbole, I can’t remember a day I wasn’t actively sweating in Vitoria. There might have been one cool day last September, but definitely by October, I was dripping sweat trying to cut cookie dough in a ninety degrees kitchen. A secondary perk to annual Christmas visit to Atlanta is we get to miss a month of summer heat in Vitoria. Although, it’s feeling less like summer heat and more like pretty-much-all-year-long heat. For anyone still on the fence about global warming, I have a guest room with only an old window unit AC that you’re welcome to sleep in. If you can make it through breakfast the next morning without complaining about the heat, I’ll paint Drill Baby Drill on my kid’s bedroom wall.

The heat’s not just in Vitoria. On February 27, Rio had a record breaking high of 106.5℉ (41.4℃) with a heat index of 119.5℉ (48.6℃). What?!!! I’m so glad we left Rio.

Just imagine if that’s the temperature you have to go to work in. You’re not on vacation. You can’t just camp out at a pool with a swim up bar. You have to get dressed, maybe in a suit, maybe with a lab coat, maybe a uniform that requires pants. You have to go work now. Remember the worst traffic or school drop-off run you’ve ever experienced, now imagine it happening at 120℉. And without air conditioning. Many buses in Rio don’t have air conditioning.

Actually, central AC is rare and reserved mostly for tourists. We don’t have it at home. The top tier private school I worked for didn’t have it. My bank doesn’t have it. What we use here are individual units, and the top of line can effectively turn a classroom into a freezer. Just don’t be the first one to show up and have to turn them on. And of course they break. And if you wake up in the middle of night in a puddle of sweat and the clock blinking, don’t worry. All the thousands of bedroom unit ACs just overwhelmed the grid and caused a blackout.

So if you are planning a trip to Brazil for this time of year, bring a flashlight, lots of sunscreen, and a half dozen sticks of deodorant. That should last you about a week.

April 11, 2016
Beach Day Doctrine: Great weather leads to awful governments

A typical winter’s day in Brazil.

My family went to the beach this past Saturday. We packed a kite and a boogie board and stayed out through lunch. It was an absolutely perfect beach day, warm without being hot and breezy without being chilly. The sky was a sheet of blue with a few fluffy clouds pulled decoratively across it. But the best part was having the beach almost entirely to ourselves. People in Vitoria just don’t go to the beach in winter.

Yes, it’s winter here in Vitoria, Brazil. You can really feel it today. It’s 68 degrees (20 C) outside and drizzly. People are wearing their leather jackets over their shorts. This will be one of the coldest days of the year here. I’m sure it will be a front page article in tomorrow’s paper. “Cold Front hits Vitoria. Drives Locals to Wearing Coats!”

In my opinion, the weather is one of the best things about Vitoria and Brazil in general. I think it’s also why the government sucks.

I have a theory that the weather of a country can be tied directly to the quality of that country’s government. The better the weather, the worse the public services. The worse the weather, free university for everyone!

Let’s take Norway. The Economist’s Quality of Life Index ranks Norway third in terms of quality of life and third in GDP per capita. Norway is number one on the UNDP’s Human Development Index. Norway’s government is the world champion of governing. Year after year, they are crushing the competition. Why? Because without an awesome government, there would be absolutely no reason to live there.

This is a place where citizens go weeks without seeing the sun. Every winter, there’s a period when the sun never makes it over the horizon. This isn’t a freak phenomenon. It’s a lifestyle. How to avoid Winter SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) during the polar nights is a regular part of the school curriculum. Why would anybody live in a place where winter is accompanied by its own psychological disorder causing sadness, a loss of self-esteem, and desire to avoid social and physical contact? Why? Free universal healthcare coverage for all legal residents. That’s why.

Not surprisingly, Norway’s tourism website doesn’t bring up those polar nights, but it does have a lot to say about its midnight sun. You can take an ocean cruise at midnight or stroll through the park at 2am. Come visit Norway in summer and have 24 hours of sunlight! Honestly Norway, 24 hours of sunlight doesn’t sound like a good thing. It’s slightly better than 24 hours of darkness, but I have no desire to live in a place with sunlight streaming through my window at 2 am.

Except that in Norway, universities are tuition free for all students, including international students.

On second thought, I could probably get used to wearing a sleep mask.

Norway’s tourism site also touts its mild winter temperatures. The average January high for Oslo is 32 degrees (0 C). I suppose that’s mild compared to Siberia, but it’s still a place where getting locked out of your house in December is potentially life threatening.

Here in Vitoria, you can sleep on the sidewalk 365 days a year and feel, at worst, a little uncomfortable. Good thing too, because there are quite a few people who do sleep on the sidewalk. Does Norway even have homeless? I don’t see how. The winters would kill them off.

And this is the crux of my theory. The environment in Norway is so inhospitable, the government has to help its people survive and then give them a reason to stay.

What does a person need to survive a winter day here in Vitoria? A sandwich and a tree. Something to eat and shelter from the hot-even-in-winter sun or rain. That’s it.

My theory holds true for other countries. Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Canada, Australia (Why is Australia listed? It’s hot, in the middle of nowhere, and has all the world’s most poisonous things). These countries have awesome governments and crappy weather. Venezuela, Fiji, Mexico, Maldives, Greece: crappy governments, 365 days of beach.

This past Saturday was a spectacular day. Bright sun. Soft sand. It was the kind of day that warms you on the inside and puts hope back in your life. Listening to the waves while getting drunk on sunshine and coconut water, a person won’t care about anything. Not even that Brazil ranks 79 on the HDI or that dozens of top government officials have been indicted for stealing billions in taxpayers’ money or that the President’s approval rating is 9%.

Here schools are terrible. Public healthcare is broken. Inflation is increasing. But the weather is fantastic, the beaches are free, and with 4,655 miles (7,491 km) of breathtaking coastline, there’s space on the sand for everybody. What else do you really need?

July 6, 2015
Flight Changed Due to “Meteor Delay”

My husband and I arrived in Vitoria yesterday, three hours later than planned. Our flight was eventually moved to a different airport because, according to the departure board, of a “meteor delay.”

I can’t be certain, but I’m willing to bet had there been an actual meteor hurtling down out of the sky, I would have been much more amenable to changing airports. A meteor crashing into Guanabara Bay would have put things into perspective and made having to pass through security at two different airports seem a comparatively minor inconvenience. And it would have made for an awesome story.

Alas, there was no meteor involved in our meteor delay. You’ve probably already guessed that “meteor” is short for meteorological, which is a fancy way to say fog. Our flight was moved due to fog.

While not nearly as interesting as a meteor, this particular event is a curious yet common occurrence in Rio. Cariocas call it névoa, or neblina. It is a dry fog that blankets the entire Guanabara Bay reducing visibility in the area to almost nothing. The névoa is a winter phenomenon and happens when the air is particularly dry over a body of water.

I don’t have a lot of experience with fogs but the little I’ve had led me to believe fogs are always damp. Rio’s dry fog was a truly bizarre phenomenon the first time I experienced it. Our apartment in Rio overlooks Guanabara Bay and it’s pretty amazing to have the entire bay disappear from view.

The fog quickly goes from amazing to pain in the ass when it closes the local airport and forces you to go across town with 150 lbs of luggage. But we’re here. We made it to Vitoria in one piece, as did the wine glasses. A statement we might not be able to make if there had been an actual meteor.

September 1, 2010