Tag: Daily Living

  • Getting Our Yellow Fever Vaccines

    Getting Our Yellow Fever Vaccines

    This is public enemy #1!
    Aedes aegypti. It carries dengue, zika, & chikungunya.

    Mosquito born viruses did not cross my mind when considering what my daily life would be like in Brazil, but it turns out that repellent is right up there with sunscreen as a daily necessity.

    I certainly never lost sleep over a mosquito in the U.S., but here in Brazil, more than once we’ve turned the lights on in the middle of the night at the whine of a mosquito. Some people might think mosquito hunting at 2am is overreacting, but my husband has had dengue. The steely-eyed commitment with which he stalks every mosquito in our home makes me think the experience has stayed with him.

    Public health officials in Brazil take mosquitoes seriously too. They’ve been battling dengue for decades. Chikungunya and Zika became common place in the last few years, and this year, Espirito Santo and its neighbor, Minas Gerais, are combating the spread of yellow fever. My family and I got our yellow fever vaccines last week, and it was an impressive operation.

    If you know the monkey might have yellow fever, is it still as cute?

    Vaccine distribution is one public service Brazil has mastered. At the end of February, the city government confirmed a monkey found dead in Vitoria in January had died from yellow fever. This one dead monkey kicked public health services into Defcon 5. The city closed 11 parks in the metro area. The federal government sent 1 million more doses of yellow fever vaccine to Espirito Santo. Public Health posts’ hours and days of operation were expanded. Churches have been converted to vaccination centers. Firefighters and nurses from public hospitals have been enlisted to distribute and administer the vaccines. This past Saturday 98,904 people were vaccinated in the metro area bringing the total vaccinated to over 800,000 in a little over two weeks.

    This is public health at it’s most efficient and most militarized. I know from personal experience. We were assigned a specific vaccination center and time when my husband reserved our vaccines online. When we got to the church, we had to present IDs for everyone, including my daughter, before we could enter the building where people waited in rows of white plastic chairs. We’d been assigned numbers at the entrance, and in what has to be one of the shortest waits in the history of line waiting in Brazil, a woman in a white lab coat, clipboard in hand, called our numbers, and we entered the heart of the operation.

    Along one wall was a row of nurses and firefighters taking down people’s names, ID numbers, and stamping vaccine cards. Firefighters are militarized in Brazil, and their khaki green uniforms with ranks sewn on their shirts made the whole scene feel like something out of Contagion. Along the adjacent wall, was another group readying vaccines before passing them in a ceaseless stream to the one woman who administered vaccines. Needle in. Needle out. Hands off the old needle. Accepts freshly opened vaccine. Needle in. Needle out.

    It wasn’t frantic, but it was efficient. People were moved around the room and back out the door with a lack of pleasantries I have never witnessed in Brazil.

    We survived!

    My daughter did not like it. She’d been totally chill about it until we got inside the vaccination room. The tension and focus that permeated the air had her clinging to her dad and begging to go. And these people were not waiting for her to calm down. I don’t blame them. They’re trying to vaccinate a few million people. My husband and I went first, trying to teach by example. It had no effect. She just got more hysterical with every second, so my husband held her in his arms. I held her arm straight, and the vaccine lady jabbed the needle in.

    For the rest of the day, my daughter showed off the tiny, nearly invisible red dot left behind like the scars of a near-death shark attack.

    As of Friday, there were 20 confirmed yellow fever deaths in our state. That’s 20 deaths out of 80 confirmed cases. The math is simple. That’s a 25% fatality rate. In neighboring Minas Gerais, there have been 109 deaths out 288 confirmed cases. I’m getting my calculator…37.8%. Wow, I hadn’t realized until writing this how bad this outbreak is.

    So if you’re planning on visiting Brazil anytime soon, I’d check if you’re ecolodge is smack in the middle of a high risk zone, and then I’d pack lots and lots of repellent regardless.

  • When the Police Went on Strike in Vitoria

    When the Police Went on Strike in Vitoria

    Vitoria, Espirito Santo, Brazil

    I’d been wondering how to break a five months long silence on my blog. I couldn’t think of a topic or an angle. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about to kick off a new year.

    Then the police went on strike.

    Early Saturday, February 4, the wives and families of police officers across the state of Espirito Santo gathered in front of barracks, forming human chains across the entrances effectively blocking any police or vehicles from entering or leaving the barracks. After four years without a pay raise and the lowest salaries of any police in Brazil, the movement wanted a raise and bonuses for night and higher risk work for the police. By late Saturday morning, there were no police on the streets anywhere in the state of Espirito Santo.

    It actually took a couple of days for their absence to be felt statewide. Saturday was a totally normal day for us. We went to a park near the beach and had lunch out. A sitter came over later, and my husband and I had date night. We walked to our favorite restaurant, passing people grabbing ceviche from a food truck, walking dogs, or making a late run to the drug store.

    The only hiccup came at the door of the restaurant. It was locked. There were people inside eating. The security guy confirmed the restaurant was open and within seconds a waiter let us in, locking the door behind us.

    Our blissful ignorance lasted until Sunday morning. When planning our day, my husband said in passing “The police are on strike, so we should go somewhere with private security.”

    Excuse, me?

    One long term consequence of the strike for me personally is that I’ve now started reading my local paper. Something I should have probably been doing on occasion these last six years.

    We did go out in the morning, but by Sunday evening we were having dinner at home. With the increased risk of violence, public hospitals, schools, and universities across the state closed for Monday. Private schools, including my daughters, followed suit. Monday, February 6, was supposed to be the first day of the new school year.

    That night I noticed my husband locking the deadbolts before going to bed. We never locked the deadbolts before.

    The texts from concerned friends around Brazil and even in Portugal started popping up Monday morning as did footage from around the city and state. While our neighborhood had been relatively quiet over the weekend, other areas were not as fortunate. Gangs of looters attacked stores around the metro area. A burning bus, armed robbers zipping around on motorcycle, shoot outs in the street. I learned several stores in our neighborhood had been robbed over the weekend, and pictures of smashed storefronts and videos of carjackings were filling up my Facebook feed.

    Gangs were taking advantage of the police’s absence and shooting anyone from a rival territory who crossed their path. The number of murders in the metro Vitoria area over the weekend was 51 compared to 4 in January.

    By Monday afternoon, the extent of the violence that had descended on the state in the police’s absence was clear. The state government asked Brasilia for military assistance.

    We stayed home all day Monday. Schools were canceled for a second day, so we stayed home all day Tuesday. By the end of the day Tuesday after more than 60 hours at home, my daughter and I were screaming at each other over a Lego train. Our problems were nothing.

    Vila Velha, Espirito Santo The city across the bridge from Vitoria. All part of metro Vitoria.

    By Wednesday the police union was reporting the number of violent deaths in Espirito Santo during the strike had risen to 90. 200 cars were reported stolen on Wednesday up from an average of 20. More than 200 robberies and assaults. Schools, stores, restaurants remained closed. R$90 million loss to businesses. Public transportation had stopped running. The streets were completely empty.

    My dad called from the US on Wednesday morning.

    I hadn’t called anyone. Our neighborhood was quiet, our doors were locked, and the army had been spotted patrolling a few blocks from our building. We were safe, so I didn’t see any reason to alarm family. But the BBC picked up the strike. For maybe the first time ever Vitoria, Brazil was international news, and my dad saw the headline.

    I assured my dad we were safe and our neighborhood was calm. I told him about the Governor’s press conference that morning in which he passionately declared the strike illegal and unconstitutional and vowed not to negotiate with hostage takers. Meanwhile, one of the wives in the movement gave an interview vowing not to move until the police got a raise. So there wasn’t going to be any deal in the near future.

    I didn’t mention the attempted building invasion that happened around corner Tuesday night.

    I was putting my daughter to bed and didn’t hear the commotion, but my husband did. He thought it was people cheering the army driving through the streets. We learned the next morning that a gang had tried to break into one of the apartment buildings around the corner. Somehow they were thwarted, but we were done. What is a single doorman going to do against a mob? Our uneventful days at home now seemed more like good luck than legitimate security.

    We bought one-way tickets for Rio and left that afternoon. The irony of going to Rio de Janeiro to escape violence is not lost on me. Our first day in Rio, there was a massive strike against the privatization of the water company. We drove by streets packed with police trucks and vans and battalions in full riot gear. “Oh, here are all the police.”

    We spent the remainder of the police strike in Rio checking the news constantly to see if a deal had been reached. Friday night the government announced a deal, but on Saturday morning the wives and families announced they had no intention of leaving because they had not been included in the deal. The governor signed a decree handing security over to the army, which called in 3,000 troops. The strike was declared illegal in court, and police were ordered to return to the streets. A week after the strike began, the news reported more 700 police officers were being indicted.

    With the additional troops, violence subsided and residents desperate to resume normal lives after a week of unrest returned to the streets. The buses were back to running on Sunday. Schools announced they would finally start the new year on Monday. We flew back on Sunday afternoon to find the city running more or less as usual.

    As of this morning, the government says 1,900 police have returned to patrols, which is “close to the normal amount”. I’d like to know exactly how close, but I have a feeling the government wants everyone to just assume 95%. Based on how normal life around the city is, I’d guess that’s what we’re all doing.

    There are still families protesting. Not all barracks have returned to patrols. The government has released a list of 155 names of officers under investigation. The state also released its own number of homicides. Between February 4 and 13, there were 143 homicides. February 6 was the most violent. 40 people were murdered compared to three the same day last year. The Federation of Goods and Commerce estimates losses for businesses will exceed R$300 million.

    One of many articles on the protestors

    Through the whole crisis the wives and families surrounding the barracks insist the protest was their idea alone, and the police had nothing to do with it. They claim it was organized among themselves through social media without their husbands’ knowledge. No one believes this.

    There were many people who agreed with them that working conditions for the police in Espirito Santo are abysmal. The government should be ashamed. Brazil’s economic crisis has been driving up inflation but the police in Espirito Santo haven’t had a salary adjustment in four years, let alone an actual raise. But they overplayed their hand. What started as a protest by wives, mothers, and sister gathering at a single barracks in Serra grew over the course of 24 hours to a full police strike that brought statewide chaos.

    It was shocking, frightening, and for my part almost too surreal to feel anything. I went to the airport with my and my daughter’s passports in my shoes.

    And now if you weren’t personally affected by the violence, it’s life as usual.

    Except it’s pretend. People are dead and livelihoods lost. The police didn’t get their raise, and now hundreds are at risk of losing their jobs and the commanders are saying publicly the police department and its hierarchy has been completely destroyed. The army will be providing extra security for Carnaval celebrations and has promised to stay as long as it’s needed, which is indefinitely at the moment. And honestly having my streets patrolled indefinitely by soldiers trained for war, not civilian law enforcement, makes me queasy.

    And yet I’m sitting at a café with my cappuccino writing a blog post loving the freedom that comes with a regular school day.

    It was a disaster. There were no winners. Just a very, very long list of losers. I’d say I’m glad it’s over but it’s not over. The police might be back on the streets, but the fall out hasn’t even begun. And the list of losses will just keep growing.

     

     

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  • Our Walk to School

    Our Walk to School

    IMG_1405Our Walk to School   A one act play inspired by true events with a 5-year-old.

    Mom: (Shouted from front door) Ok, time to go. Do you have your shoes on, yet?

    Kiddo: (Shouted from bedroom) Not yet. I need to finish something.

    Mom: (Shouted as pleasantly as possible to avoid a last minute fight but forceful enough to convey annoyance at shoes still being on.) No, you don’t. I’ve already asked you several times to put your shoes on. Now, it’s time to go. We’re going to be late for swim class.

    Kiddo: (Shouted in complete indifference) I’m almost finished.

    Mom: (Marches into child’s bedroom.) What are you doing? Why are your shorts and undies around your ankles?

    Kiddo: I had to go pee pee.

    Mom: But why are your shorts still around your ankles?

    Kiddo: I’m trying to make the top spin.

    Mom: Why wouldn’t you pull up your pants first? And why are you playing with a top? Ok, stop. We need to go. Where are your shoes?

    Kiddo: (Leaving the top aside and picking up a book off the floor while still half naked.) I don’t know. Mommy, can we read The Book with No Pictures?

    Mom: No, not right now. We’re going to be late for swim class if we don’t leave right now! Please, pull your shorts up while I find your shoes.

    Mom leaves to find the shoes, one under the couch and one under the desk in the office. She returns to child’s room where Kiddo is now fully clothed but minus socks and looking at her calendar.

    Mom: What happened to your socks!

    Kiddo: I don’t like that pair. I want to wear my spider socks. Mommy, what day is Christmas?

    Mom: (Through gritted teeth.) A long time away but it won’t matter because if you’re late to swim class Santa won’t come. (Kiddo drops to floor and starts trying to put shoes on. Mom picks up and puts away unsatisfactory first pair of socks.)

    Kiddo: (Teary eyed and whimpering) It’s too tight! (Slams be-shoed foot on ground repeatedly.) Mommy, it’s too tight.

    Mom: (Exhales slowly) Because it’s on the wrong foot.

    Kiddo: Oh! (Giggles)

    Mom: Why are you only using one hand? You can’t put tennis shoes on with only one hand. We need to leave now!

    Kiddo: I pinched my finger in the drawer getting my spider socks and now it hurts. I can’t use it.

    Mom: (Muttering) For the love of… (Squats and puts child’s shoes on totally over trying to foster independence this morning) Ok, we’re ready! Yay! Let’s go. (Mom grabs school bag and purse and runs to door.)

    Kiddo: (Pulling on Mom’s shirt while she locks door)  Tell a story! Tell a story!

    Mom: I will when we get to the sidewalk, ok? Let’s start walking first.

    Kiddo: (Foot touches the sidewalk. Tugs Mom’s hand.) Ok, tell the story! Tell the story!

    Mom: (As they walk to school) Ok, where were we? So the Bowser kids decided they were going to play a trick on their Dad…

    Kiddo: Noooo. Not a Bowser kid story. I want a Mario story.

    P1000912Mom: Oh, ok. One day Mario was walking through the forest on his way to Princess Peach’s castle for tea when he heard a noise and Yoshi appeared.

    Kiddo: No, not Yoshi! It was a little Eevee. It was going “Eevee! Eevee!” (Jumps up and down and flails arms) Because it lost its family.

    Mom: So Mario heard a noise and saw a very strange creature by the river. Mario thought it looked like a Pokemon so he called his good friend Ash and asked “Do you know want this is?” Mario held up his phone so Ash could see Eevee and Ash said…

    Kiddo: (Yanking on Mom’s hand) That’s when Mario sees another Pokemon! A Squirtle!  It said “Squirtle! Squirtle!” and it was soooo adorable! And Mario took it to Princess Peach’s castle. And she thought it was so adorable. (Pause) C’mon Mommy! Tell the story! (Pulls on Mom’s arm)

    Mom: Mario thought Princess Peach could help the lost Pokemon get back to their world so he took them to Peach’s castle and…

    Kiddo: Then all the Pokemon appeared!!! There was a Charmeleon and a Bulbasaur and an Amaura, a Rhyhorn, a Leafeon! All the Pokemon!

    Mom: So when Mario got to Peach’s castle he was shocked to find it filled with Pokemon! There was a Lapras swimming in the fountain and Ponyta eating the roses in the garden. Inside the castle, there were Zubats and Pidgies and Fledglings flying around and pooping on everything!

    Kiddo: (Shrieks with laughter) They were pooping on the table, on the floor, on Luigi’s head.

    Mom: Oh, Luigi’s there?

    Kiddo: Yes, a Pidgey pooped right on his head!

    Mom: Luigi walked into the castle and felt a splat on top of his head. Fortunately, he was wearing a hat.

    Kiddo: But then he took it off and a Zubat pooped on his hair! (Hops up and down laughing and clapping her hands)

    Mom: Well, Princess Peach was very upset all these Pokemon were destroying her castle…

    Kiddo: So she called the Ghostbusters!

    Mom: The Ghostbusters? Why would she call the Ghostbusters?

    Kiddo: Because they catch Pokemon and ghosts.

    Mom: Ok…so Princess Peach calls the Ghostbusters. They bring their special…

    Kiddo: (Yanking on Mom’s hand) You have to sing the song!

    Mom: (Glances around to see how many people will get to enjoy this) Na,na,na,na,na,na. Na,na,na,na,na,na. There’s something strange in your neighborhood. Who ya gonna call?

    Mom & Kiddo: Ghostbusters!

    Mom: So the Ghostbusters show up at Peach’s castle and begin catching all the Pokemon. They had some trouble with Charizard though. It was perched on top of the tallest tower and refused to come down. Peach was very upset because it was going to be a major pain to replace the roof tiles on the highest tower. She asked the Ghostbusters…

    Kiddo: Then the little Eevee appeared and snuggled up to Princess Peach. And Princess Peach thought it was so adorable, she wanted to keep it forever. But the Eevee missed its family. So Peach decided to keep all the Eevees and Vaporeons and Leafeons and Sylveons. And then a cute, little Amaura appeared and licked Peach’s face and it was so cute. Peach decided to keep it and used her Harry Potter magic wand to create an ice cave in the yard for the Amaura to live in because it was too hot outside. Then Peach heard the Eevee crying “Eevee! Eevee!” because Team Rocket was trying to catch it!

    Long Pause. Kiddo looks up at Mom.

    Kiddo: C’mon Mommy! (Shakes Mom’s arm.) Tell the story!

    Mom: Why don’t you tell the story?

    Kiddo: Because I don’t know the story!

    Mom: But you do! You’ve been the one telling it for the last block and…

    Kiddo: I don’t KNOW the story! You have to tell it!

    Mom: (sighs) So Team Rocket captured Eevee in a net and was pulling it up to their hot air balloon.

    Kiddo: No, they were in a giant Meowth robot! That was electric proof so Pikachu couldn’t help Eevee escape.

    Mom: What Pikachu?

    Kiddo: Ash’s Pikachu.

    Mom: When did Ash and Pikachu show up?

    Kiddo: They came with the Ghostbusters.

    Mom: Oh, look! Here we are! And there’s your class headed to pool. Better hurry. Bye, love you! (Mom and Kiddo hug and kiss) Have a great day at school!

    Kiddo: And you can finish the story when we walk home! (Skips off, waving)

    Mom: (Sinks down onto a bench) Sure. Can’t wait.

    Lights fade to black.

    This play is based on every walk to school we’ve taken this past year. It is not an exaggeration. It is truth. And it is every single day.

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  • 10 Tips to Survive Rio de Janeiro

    10 Tips to Survive Rio de Janeiro

    IMG_2008Last week my family and I were waiting in the citizens service area of the US Consulate in Rio de Janeiro, and I overhead a young man pouring out a pretty tragic story to the consulate staff standing opposite the bullet proof glass. He’d been robbed and had lost every single form of id, all his credit cards, and all his cash. He was left with no proof of identity whatsoever.

    My husband and I cringed at the guy’s story. As a woman, I know we shouldn’t blame the victim. A person should be able to walk down any street with his house deed and gold bullion spilling out of his pockets without the threat of violence. But dude! You walked around Rio with all of your documents in your pockets? Come on!

    IMG_1990Because I have been a recently arrived foreigner in Rio without a word of Portuguese other than Obrigada and with the Rio Olympics opening in less than week, I’ve written down some tips to help visitors survive enjoy their time in Rio. The tips are gathered from my own experience in Rio and the advice my Carioca (native of Rio de Janeiro) husband gave me when I first arrived.

    1. Leave Your Passport in the Hotel Safe  Do not walk around Rio with your passport in your back pocket. Take a driver’s license, or even better a student id, just something with a picture and name so that your body could be identified. (I’m not saying you’ll be shot. Even though Rio does have an incredibly high violent crime rate, you’re much more likely to die in a car accident or crushed by a hastily constructed bikeway.)
    2. Carry Cash Only or 1 Credit Card at Most Every touristy area in the world has pickpockets and canceling stolen cards is a major pain. Save yourself the worry. Also, withdraw a bunch of cash at the airport (Don’t carry it all at once or in the same pocket), so you can leave your ATM card back at the hotel too.
    3. Speaking of Cash…Always Have Small Bills  Many taxi drivers will tell you they cannot break a fifty. They will swear to it on their mother’s life, and then demand you pay them with what you have. Unless you enjoy arguing in Portuguese, always have 10s and 20s on you. Small bills are also more convenient for food vendors and stalls in the markets.
    4. Carry a Purse/Backpack But Don’t Put Your Cards or Phone In It  This advice I got from my husband my first day in Rio. Many women in Rio carry dummy purses with an old wallet that has some cash. Their credit card and id are in a back pocket.
    5. Don’t Wear A Lot of Jewelry  I know. We should all be able to wear whatever we want whenever we want, but maybe while on vacation in a foreign country it’s best to accept reality as is and save showy displays of wealth for your home turf. Wearing your gold necklaces and diamond rings will not in anyway improve your trip. Leave them at home. Besides Cariocas are generally a casual beach people. If you want to blend in, you should be going around in shorts and flip flops anyway.
    6. And if you want to Blend in…Sunscreen!  The surest way to find the tourists strolling through Ipanema is to look for the pinkest people. Even though it’s winter in Brazil, last week was 80 in Rio, and the sun was intense. I know. We had to walk around downtown in direct sun with an impatient preschooler. Pack sunscreen (It will be crazy expensive in Rio) and use it.
    7. What You Bring to the Beach: Towel, Flip Flops, and Cash Tucked in Your Bathing Suit  That’s it people. You leave the hotel already in your bathing suit & cover up and carry nothing other than your towel. You can rent chairs and buy snacks on the beach. This was a huge cultural adaptation for me. I come from Atlanta, and my family’s summer trips to the beach involved a cooler, a half dozen canvas totes, and a wheelbarrow. True statement.
    8. The Ocean is For Admiring Not Swimming At this point most people have heard about Rio’s toxic bay and surrounding waters. I do feel a bit like I’m beating a dead horse that died from a super bacteria picked up after drinking out of Guanabara Bay, and I have taken lots of pictures of children playing happily in the water at Ipanema and Leblon beaches. But those local kids have immunity that visitors don’t. If you want to take the very real risk of spending your vacation hydrating on a bathroom floor, then by all means, dive in.
    9. Deet I recommend insect repellent with the highest level of deet that doesn’t immediately give you cancer. Mosquitoes are a problem in Rio. Any exploration around the bay or into the forests around Rio absolutely demands bug spray. You do not want dengue! Sorry…what about zika? Oh sure, zika is terrible if contracted while pregnant for its potential to pass on devastating birth defects. Dengue can straight up kill you. It did kill 843 people in Brazil last year, and this years there’s been about 9 times more dengue cases than zika. Either way, dengue or zika, you’re gonna want to use repellent.
    10. Be Alert Don’t be the idiot that’s so focused on getting the perfect selfie you’ve failed to realize you’re group of obvious tourists is alone on the street. My husband looks over both shoulders every few seconds when walking through Rio out of habit. He’s confirmed this level of vigilance is every bit as exhausting you’d imagine, but he developed the habit after being robbed twice. Just pick a designated driver for your group. Someone who can be in charge of risk management while everyone else has a good time.

    IMG_0033This is the most depressing list of travel advice. I realize that. But before angry Cariocas start posting in the comment stream about the foreigner who doesn’t appreciate their magnificent city, I’m going to do a second post on all the great experiences in Rio. Now that everyone knows how to stay safe, I can recommend awesome things to do with the free time not being used up with emergency trips to the consulate or hospital. Come back on Wednesday for 10 Tips to Enjoy Rio.

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  • The Consequences of Going Gray

    The Consequences of Going Gray

    woman-morning-bathrobe-bathroomIt’s been more than difficult finding time to write this post. My husband is away on a networking trip while Kiddo’s in the middle of summer vacation. That puts me on twenty-four hours a day parent duty. I’d probably be a little more frustrated if I didn’t know these networking trips of his were going to start tapering off.

    You see my husband’s getting older, and in the spirit of honesty, it’s obvious. He’s getting more wrinkles and creases, but it’s the gray hair that’s really noticeable. My husband has black hair which has gone from lightly dusted to preserved cod salty in the last few years. Of course getting older isn’t a problem per se. He just could look a lot younger if he wanted to.

    With all that gray hair, he’s not going to be tapped for any promotion. The quality of his work is going to become less obvious as people start focusing on his whiter hair. I’m sure the university he teaches for is going to want someone a little…fresher to represent them at conferences. I’m afraid it’s going to affect his student evaluations. Those undergrads are going to look at him and think his complete apathy about his appearance clearly indicates a certain indifference toward everything including class planning.

    I’m also worried it’s going to affect his social life. He hasn’t said anything, but I think some of his friends have stopped calling. I feel terrible for him, but I can’t blame them. By not coloring his hair, he’s basically throwing his mortality in the face of everyone around him. Who wants to sit next to Mr. Death-is-Inevitable at the dinner party? That’s kind of a bummer.

    Of course, it’s going to be harder to make new friends. Everyone says they don’t judge people by appearances, but let’s be honest. We all check a person’s roots before striking up a conversation.

    I’ve made subtle comments about the gray hoping he’ll take some interest in his appearance and stop letting himself go. I realize I’m never going to talk him into botox or skin peels, but if he would just invest a little in himself, I think he’d really perk up and be more confident in all areas of his life. It feels like he doesn’t love himself anymore. When he looks in the mirror, he doesn’t see the incredibly handsome man I see. That’s why I want him to dye his hair. I think he would feel more handsome if he would just get rid of the gray.

    Watching my husband deal with getting older has made me glad I’m a woman. I’ve been going gray since my early twenties. If had to hide my white hair, at the rate my hair grows…ugh, I’d have spent a small fortune on salon appointments. Fortunately, I’m not a man, and I don’t have to work at making everyone think I’m at least a decade younger than my actual age to be happy with my appearance.

    Actually, women don’t really talk about our age that much. Now that I think about it, I’m not even sure I know exactly how old my best buddies are. We’re usually too busy talking about politics, whether or not to refinance our houses, the cost of health care. And sports. I swear my friends and I still don’t get through one round of drinks before someone references Lloyd’s hat trick in the World Cup final. Why would age even come up?

    I hope my husband knows that I’ll love him no matter how old he gets and what he looks like. I hope he knows how handsome he is. Gray hair and all.

    This of course is a piece of comedy. Although I have, in fact, been going gray since my early twenties. Unfortunately, I have spent a small fortune on trips to the salon. I had coloring my hair in the same category as bathing, an essential and basic part of my self-care routine. But in the last year, afternoons to myself for writing were in short supply. I didn’t want to give up a whole afternoon to painting my hair, so I let my hair grow and grow and eventually ended up with a couple inches of gray hair at my temples.

    IMG_1371
    No, that’s not a lighting effect. That’s four months of hair growth highlighting my temple.

    And life’s pretty much the same. It turns out coloring hair is a choice. One my salt-and-pepper headed husband chooses not to pursue without comment or consequence. I’m going to opt out too from now on. I’m not promising to never color my hair again. But for now, there are other things I’d rather do with my time and money. Will you still invite me over for dinner?

     

    Body Positive January 2016This post is part of Happy Mama Happy Baby‘s Body Positive January. Check out her site for more awesome posts from great writers, book reviews, and giveaways!

  • 5 Things That Can Ruin a Kid’s Day (& the Parent’s as Well)

    5 Things That Can Ruin a Kid’s Day (& the Parent’s as Well)

    frustrated-758722_1280Saturday morning my kid woke up asking for sausage. She’s Brazilian, so it’s a pretty common request. She’s a very picky eater, so if she demonstrates enthusiasm for any food that isn’t made by Hershey, we try to accommodate her request. That’s how we ended up at a packed churrasco (a restaurant serving heart-stopping quantities of grilled meat) swarming with sweaty, screaming families and their kids. In other words, hell. The kids all seemed to love it.

    Why wouldn’t they? This place was family-friendly in a very Brazilian way with a multi-level playground, 2 trampolines, five TVs with Playstations, and a small amusement park ride. Any American actuary would stroke out upon entering this restaurant.

    The kids were dying of happiness.

    All except my kid.

    We got there early enough to grab a coveted table in front of the entrance to the play area. It was the most chaotic spot in the place, but we’d be able to see my daughter from our table. We ordered her sausage and beef and french fries. My husband the vegetarian contented himself with rice and beans. She thanked us by whining, complaining, and pouting the entire time.

    There was a Claw-crane arcade game right in front of our table, and up against the glass was a stuffed cheetah. Game over. My daughter was obsessed. Nothing we said could convince her to let it go. The playground, the video games, the carousel of airplanes, the sausage, they were insignificant next to this stuffed cheetah. She left the restaurant crying. I left with a burning desire for a sledge hammer. We were all pissed off for the rest of the afternoon.

    My daughter’s day was ruined by a cruelly placed Claw-game. And so was mine. If you don’t have kids, you might not realize how heavily a parent’s mood at the end of the day relies on their child’s emotions. And a kid can be plunged into emotional turmoil over a sock. Yes, I’ve had mornings or entire days that were corrupted by a sock.

    The Claw is just another in a long stream of innocuous things which have completely ruined my day. Here are five more items and tasks I now face with trepidation.

    1. Basic Personal Hygiene  Specifically, the maintenance of it. Five years ago, brushing teeth or hair didn’t consume a lot of mental energy. A bath was welcome especially in the scorching summers of Rio. Now, I mentally steel myself using techniques I learned from Navy Seals before approaching my child with either soap or a toothbrush. Many a morning or evening has been ruined by screaming refusals to use either.
    2. A Pair of Wonder Woman Undies A very special pair that is never, never clean when requested.
    3. Chocolate Ice-cream Normally a curative for emotional collapse. Unless it doesn’t have the option of M&M toppings. We don’t go to that ice-cream store anymore.
    4. An Inflatable Pterodactyl One that was made so cheaply and with such indifference nobody noticed one of the wings was glued on backwards. It came in a package of six and was never played with after being opened. The toy had no impact on our lives whatsoever, until it was given away then demanded inexplicably a few months later. Now, it will never be forgotten.
    5. A Slice of Carrot Vegetables in general, but carrots have the greatest potential for being nibbled so this is the one that usually brings everyone to arms. There was a memorable night out when my daughter sat on the floor under the table screaming with snot running down her face because I demanded she have one bite of carrot. Wait…no. It wasn’t carrot. It was a bite of macaroni and cheese. Which I’m now willing to consider a vegetable. One that she won’t eat. That’s where we are on the vegetable front.

    It will be a very long time before my husband and I are willing to go back to that restaurant. Which is unfortunate because the number of places we now feel that way about includes pretty much everywhere with the exception of the ice cream store with M&Ms for toppings. I’m actually fine with that.

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  • A Parent’s Weekly Writing Routine

    A Parent’s Weekly Writing Routine

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    MONDAY

    Morning:

    School Holiday so entertain and feed kid

    Afternoon:

    Entertain and feed kid

    Evening:

    Entertain, feed kid, and persuade her to take a bath

    Night:

    Fight with kid over everything because you’re both exhausted, Fight about getting out of the bath, brushing teeth, number of bedtime stories, going to sleep 

    9:30pm Open computer and stare listlessly at manuscript, pour wine, search new releases on Netflix

    TUESDAY

    Morning:

    8 am  Wake up & work on social media – Wake up late because child had a nightmare about Mommy getting her head bitten off by a monster and we were up for an hour in the middle of the night, race to get to swim class on time

    9:59am  Arrive at school on time

    10:00am  Watch kid’s swim class

    10:40am  Gym – Because yesterday was a school holiday – Think about dialogue for a tricky scene while on treadmill – Stand in front of gym for five minutes trying to remember what it was I needed to get at the drugstore…Bug Repellant!! I noticed my daughter’s almost out when packing her backpack.

    Afternoon:

    12:30pm  Lunch w/ husband

    1:30pm  Write – Computer reminds me of family member’s birthday, quickly search internet for present 

    3pm Get back to Writing – Make mistake of checking phone and finding 41 messages from parents in kid’s class on the firing of a favorite teaching assistant in addition to a few suggestions for weekend playdates

    4:15pm  Get back to Writing – Suddenly remember a package for my daughter waiting to be picked up, race to post office, Dammit! race back home to get wallet, race to post office, realize there’s not enough time to get back home before school pick-up, go to bakery and get dinner

    5:45om  Pick up child

    Evening:

    6-6:30pm  Dinner – eaten while child is having her snack

    6:30-7:30pm  Family Playtime

    7:30  Begin persuading child to take a bath

    7:50  Get child in bath

    8:15  Finally persuade child to leave bath

    Night:

    8:30  Argue about teeth brushing

    9pm  Read bedtime stories

    9:30  Write for two hours

    WEDNESDAY

    Morning:

    8am  Wake up & work on social media – Wake up to wet sheets and crying child because she peed in her bed. My fault. I gave her the whole bottle of coconut water after dinner. Can’t give her coconut water after dinner. Gotta remember that.

    9:30am  Take child to school

    10:15am  Gym, Revise previous night’s writing while on treadmill

    11:30am  Stop by toy store to pick up birthday present for kid’s classmate

    11:50am  Make appointment for kid’s haircut on way home

    Afternoon:

    12:30pm  Lunch with Husband

    1:15pm Write – Get call from school saying child is fine but has fallen and hit her head on the corner of a concrete pillar and now has a giant knot on her forehead, decide to pick her up from school early because I can watch her more closely than the school and it’s better to be safe than sorry

    Evening:

    6pm  Dinner

    6:30-7:30pm  Family Playtime

    7:30  Begin persuading child to take a bath

    7:50  Get child in bath

    8:15  Finally persuade child to leave bath

    Night:

    8:30  Argue about teeth brushing

    9pm  Read bedtime stories

    9:30  Write for two hours

    THURSDAY

    Morning:

    8am  Yes. Finally. I am waking up to work… –Another school holiday?! Are you kidding me? Schools are closed and teachers don’t work on Teacher Appreciation Day?! What sort of socialist hellscape am I living in?

    Afternoon:

    Entertain and feed kid

    Evening:

    Entertain, feed kid, and persuade her to take a bath

    Night:

    Fight with kid over everything because you’re both exhausted, Fight about getting out of the bath, brushing teeth, number of bedtime stories, going to sleep

    9:30pm  Open computer and stare listlessly at manuscript, pour wine, search new releases on Netflix

    FRIDAY

    Morning:

    8am  Wake up & work on social media

    9:30am  Take kid to school

    10am  Gym, Tweak scene that has been complete in my head for a week while on the treadmill

    11:30am  Write – in total amazement that I’m looking at manuscript before lunch

    Afternoon:

    12:30pm  Lunch with Husband

    1:15pm  Write – get call from school that daughter is complaining of a headache, she doesn’t have a fever, tell school she’s just trying to come home early and that I’ll pick up right after dinner

    2:30pm  Get back to Writing – get call from school saying that child has just thrown-up, race to pick her up driven by crushing guilt because she was not in fact lying about feeling bad

    Evening:

    Hover over sick child with bucket

    Night:

    Hover over sick child, Give her a bath, Get her to sleep in my bed, Read in bed to keep an eye on her

    SATURDAY

    No working. Family day.

    SUNDAY

    No working. Family day.

     

    I imagine books entitled Write a Novel in 30 have a special chapter for parents that starts “First, find a place to send your children for the month.” If I get 2,000 words down, it was an awesome writing day and I don’t even have to do the daily household chores. We have a housekeeper! It’s one of the perks of living in a country that values human labor less than tomatoes. Imagine throwing in cooking, cleaning, ironing, grocery shopping, and basic home maintenance to that schedule. Imagine more than one kid! That’s the life of a parent trying to write.

    A writer and mom I follow on Twitter recently wrote about finishing the 6th draft of a manuscript she’s been working on for 3 years. Honestly, I’m surprised she’s been able to get through so many drafts in that amount of time.

    I raise a fist in salute to my fellow writers and parents. I bow in deep admiration to those…oh crap, I forgot to get the cotton balls for the ghost craft happening at the Halloween party I’m throwing on Saturday. Better go now. Gotta pick up the kid in an hour.

    fJzNWoE

  • Getting a Driver’s License in Brazil

    Getting a Driver’s License in Brazil

    Traffic in Brazil is not helped by all the unlicensed drivers.

    To put my family at ease, I tend to downplay the more dangerous aspects of life in Brazil, but the truth is you’re much more likely to die a violent death in Brazil than in Canada or Japan or even gun-crazy United States.  Oh, you’re not going to get shot.  No, you’re going to die in a flaming car crash long before you get mixed up in drug-related violence.

    It didn’t take me very long in Brazil to understand that cars were the real danger.  After my first months in Rio, I assumed that traffic in Brazil was governed only by the laws of physics.  I was wrong.  It’s governed by plenty of people laws too.  It is Brazil after all.

    Licenses require medical exams, eye exams, and psychological exams.  Driver’s ed is mandatory and its content federally regulated down to the number of hours for theory and practice.  Thus, the only reasonable explanation for the number of traffic-related deaths here is that no bureaucrat in Brasilia has ever actually driven a car, and they have no idea what skills to include on the test.

    A student of mine recently turned 18 and has been taking his mandatory driver’s ed class.  He brought me several of his practice exams.  He knows I love to laugh.

    Driver’s education courses in Brazil are divided into two parts: 45 hours and 25 hours.  That’s 45 hours in the classroom and 25 hours on the road.  Some people might be thinking, “Gee, wouldn’t it be better is these kids learning to drive a car spent the majority of their class time in a car?”  These people don’t appreciate the teaching power of multiple choice exams and visualizing your goal.  “I can see myself successfully merging in rush hour traffic.”  (Actually, visualizing is the only way to practice highway driving.  Driver’s ed cars aren’t allowed on highways.)

    So if not safe merging practices, what are these up and coming driver’s expected to know?  For one, the best attitude man can have in relation to the environment.  (The answer is “preservation”.)  It’s also necessary to know how the government of Brazil is trying to reduce emissions.  Humans have basic rights and there are a variety of ways we can observe the importance of family and friends to society.  Know that pointing out to a fellow driver that one of her tires is low encourages solidarity and courtesy in society more so than it demonstrates a concern for traffic. Don’t worry about knowing the effects of alcohol on reflexes.  That’s only a leading cause of traffic deaths in Brazil.  It won’t be on the test.

    Now, a 35 question multiple choice test isn’t the only requirement. The non-drivers in Brasilia didn’t want just anybody who can read getting a license.  They also wanted to weed out the crazies, which is why a psychological exam is required.  Again, I think this shows a complete lack of understanding of driving and a prejudice against crazy people.  There’s no reason a person can’t be a sociopath and an excellent driver.  My life experience has shown me no correlation between sanity and a willingness to use the blinker.

    The greatest irony is that all these required (and expensive) exams and driver’s ed courses intended to make the roads safer actually result in a huge market for fake licenses.  People need to drive and they don’t have 70 hours to spend learning about the parts of an engine.

    In the end who ends up driving on Brazil’s roads? A bunch of unlicensed drivers who have no idea how rain affects a car’s ability to stop, a bunch of licensed drivers who can label all the parts of an engine but have never driven on a highway, and not a single person who knows anything about alcohol’s affects on the body.

    So, if you’re coming to Brazil be sure to wear your seat belt.  Or just stay on the beach the whole time.  Cancer kills fewer people here than cars.

  • Dear Retailers, Stop Arranging by Color!!

    Dear Retailers, Stop Arranging by Color!!

    Colors of rainbow. Variety of casual clothes on wooden hangers, isolated on white.
    I’d like something yellow.  Tshirt, pants, socks, doesn’t matter. I just need yellow clothes.

    When was the last time you went shopping for clothes?  This past weekend?  Last month?  If you’re my brother, the answer is about 13 years ago when you could still be forced to accompany our mom.  He’s survived off of birthday and Christmas presents ever since.  Since those dates are December 21 and 25 respectively, he hasn’t owned a new pair of shorts in over a decade.

    For those who can remember your most recent spree, why did you go out in the first place?  Did you need new shorts for summer?  Had your kid outgrown all his socks?  Was it because you needed something orange?  Or blue? Was color in any way a factor in deciding to hit the mall?

    I’m curious because based on how the stores around me are laid out, color seems to be the primary characteristic people consider when shopping for clothes.  Items are not grouped by type of clothing or season; clothing, no matter what it is, is grouped according to color.  Miniskirt, pants, tank top, cocktail dress, if it’s any shade of purple it goes on the purple rack.

    This is the absolute worst way to arrange clothing!  I can’t even walk by a store that does this and not feel annoyed.  The person who thought this a good idea was obviously a guy with one semester of design classes and a mom who bought all of his clothes for him.

    Normally, I enter a store knowing that I need new shirts for work or a new dress for a dinner party.  Even on the rare occasion when I have no purpose other than spending birthday money, I know I will be avoiding miniskirts, culottes, and anything in animal print.  I would like to have these items together so that I don’t waste my time digging through them.  Never have I entered a store looking only for a color.

    Customer: Hi, I’m looking for some piece of green clothing.

    Sales Associate: You’re in luck! We have this lovely green blazer or tube top.

    Customer: No, those are a forest green.  I was hoping for something more lime green.

    Sale Associate: Well, we have these pajama bottoms.

    Customer: Perfect! I’ll take them.

    American college students prepping for a tailgate are the only people in the world who could legitimately have this conversation. This seems like a pretty small demographic to cater to, especially if your store is located in Brazil.

    There is a high end retail store on the corner of my block that arranges its merchandise this way.  At the moment, the front window has a long rack with every piece of purple clothing in the store.  While I think the clothes are pretty I will never shop there.  I would have to look through every single piece of clothing because that dressy, warm weather top I want could literally be ANYWHERE in the store.

    On principle, I refuse to shop at a store that forces me to look through all of its merchandise. This is, of course, a possible explanation for this mind-bogglingly inefficient organization.  I’ve also heard that it’s more visually appealing, an explanation I would accept from an art museum, but no one is walking into an international clothing retailer hoping for a visually arresting experience.

    This organizational style is neither unique to Brazil nor done by every store here, but the first time I ever tried to shop in a store laid out this way was in Rio.  A friend told me “Oh, this is how stores in Europe do it.”  Really? I find it hard to believe that the Germans or Swedes would ever adopt a practice this inefficient.  I’ve been in an Ikea.  They wouldn’t put a couch with a toilet seat on the grounds they’re both white.

    Thankfully, I have the Internet and can do most of my shopping without having to actually put on any of the clothes I’ve previously purchased.  But maybe if the store on the corner would arrange its clothing in a more helpful manner, I’d be willing to stop by and look at the lovely skirts those kids in Bangladesh made.